Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
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You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
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He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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