I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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