Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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