I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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