maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
