Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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