I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
