i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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