i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
