I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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