I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
