even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
