Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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