You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
