I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
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