Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
