just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
