I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
