okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
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You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
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YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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