cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Randomize
