oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
