4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
