I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
