Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Your cock deserves a montage
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
