It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
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He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
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So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Text me some of your sweat
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