a queef is a wish your heart makes.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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