I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
