How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
