when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
