you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
