Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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