Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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