apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
