God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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