so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
