When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Randomize
