your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
