pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
