Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
