No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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