I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
