i would punch a child for taco bell
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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