On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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