dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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