my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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