i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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