We named our party play list daddy issues
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
