Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
