I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
