I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
