I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
