i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
