I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
just tell him i said nine months
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
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