I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Randomize
