I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Come on in and take your pants off
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