I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
