Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
