I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
