I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
