I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize