my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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