GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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