I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
