party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
