I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i think i have herpe
just one?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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