i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
then he tried to convert me to islam
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
