I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
my shit smells like andre
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
