hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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