She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
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we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
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Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30