I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
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Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
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Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor