I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize