My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
