take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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