I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
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I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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