Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
