Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
